How to Apologize Without Appearing Desperate

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Maybe he was just having a tough week and worried about his Dad. Saturday and Sunday we talked on phone and she once again thanked me for the Friday dinner and time we shared. Just stop asking about him and trying to talk to him, let him come to you, cause you already put a lot of energy into him, now let him do the same, and if he doesn't then that means he doesn't care for you anymore, but if he does, just approach or talk to him casually.

Finally, at about month 3 I agreed to move in. Could you assist me in anyway with some advice? The clingy friend saps the energy from the other friend because they not only take more than they give, they insist that things be on their terms meaning that the other friend cannot say no easily.

How to Apologize Without Appearing Desperate

Since the beginning of time there has been one thing that almost all relationship experts agree on, Being clingy or needy is a complete turn off to men. In this guide I am going to be talking about how you can recover from these clingy or needy things that occurred in your relationship with your ex. Essentially, what I am shooting for here is a way to wipe your slate clean with your ex so that you can give yourself the best shot of getting him back. As it turns out there is a way in which being clingy and needy can be an attractive thing to men. In this section I am going to talk a little about that but I will also be giving you the low down on all the negatives that go along with being clingy and needy. So, if you have ever wondered what kinds of things a stage 5 clinger does to turn off a man then the section entitled, The Negatives Of Being Clingy, is going to be especially interesting to you. First though, lets talk about the rarely talked about positive aspects of being needy. The Positives Of Being Clingy Whenever you do research on women who are clingy or overly needy you often hear experts scolding them for that type of behavior. You actually never hear about the positives that go along with being clingy or needy. You see, as a man I can tell you that, as weird as this is going to sound, I like a woman to be a little clingy or needy. To me if a girl gets a little clingy it means she really has strong feelings for me and I like that. I want my woman to care about me on a level so deep that no one else can compare. I want her to want me to be the last person she talks to before she goes to bed. I want her to think about me constantly throughout the day. Essentially, I want to be the most important person in her life. Is that selfish of me? Probably… Do I care? Not really… Let me put it to you like this. Whenever a girl exhibits clingy behavior like jealousy, constantly wanting to be around me and texting me a lot I kind of like it. To me it is these things that tell me she really cares about me. I just gave you three little examples of clingy behavior that I said I liked, right? Ok, now I want to make a little tweak regarding these three examples. What is the tweak? I want to tell you about what a girl can do to all of a sudden make those cute little clingy behaviors into overly clingy to the point where it becomes a turn off. One thing we have already established about me and most other men is that we like needy behavior but only to a certain extent. Lets pretend that you and I are dating and at the beginning of the relationship you would exhibit the three clingy behaviors I mentioned above. Well, at the beginning I found it kind of cute. I liked the fact that you got a little jealous because it meant you cared. I liked that you wanted to be around me all the time and I also liked that you texted me a lot. Of course, as time went on I began to notice a gradual change in the intensity of these behaviors. In fact, your jealousy got so bad that at one point you literally forbade me to talk to anyone of the opposite sex. You also became so clingy to the point where any time I would go into a room you would have to follow me in there. You know how your shadow follows you around everywhere? Well, you essentially became my new shadow. You see, at the beginning of our relationship we had a nice 1:1 text ratio going. This means that we were completely even when texting each other. This means that for every one text I would send you would send three in return. Do you see the difference between positive neediness as opposed to negative neediness? Speaking of negative neediness lets talk a look at some of those qualities. The Negatives Of Being Clingy You have an incredible advantage over almost every other woman searching the internet. You see, when most women search the internet for advice on clingy behavior most experts list out all the needy behaviors that you need to avoid but almost none of them do a good job of explaining WHY you need to avoid them. It is rare to find someone who will explain why men react badly to clingy behavior but I am going to because I am a man and I know how I would react if someone got overly needy. I suppose we can start with a common clingy behavior, text gnatting. Imagine for a moment that you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you hear this buzzing around your head. You look around and discover that a bunch of gnats are following you around. No matter how many times you swat at them they still stay put. No matter how fast you run they still seem to follow. It is entirely possible that this is how your ex boyfriend viewed you in your relationship if you were too overbearing with how you texted him. Above I mentioned how an ideal texting ratio between a couple should be 1:1. If the ratio is close to 50:50 it can be a little off here or there but has to be close then that means that you are doing well to stand by that 1:1 ratio. If for example, the texting ratio ends up being something like 70:30 where you have sent him 70 text messages and he has only responded to 30 of those text messages then that probably means you are venturing into text gnat territory where you are becoming kind of overbearing. Why Being A Text Gnat Annoys Men One word, Desperation Someone who is a text gnat screams desperation and no guy wants a serious relationship with a woman who is desperate. They want a serious relationship with a woman who is confident enough to know that she actively chose to be with a guy. Have I ever been text gnatted before? In fact, I remember a long time ago there was one girl who had such a crush on me that she would text gnat the heck out of me. Why was her gnatting such a turn off to me? Because she seemed totally desperate and if I am going to be attracted to anyone it was going to be a woman who is smart, independent and NOT desperate. Clingy Behavior 2- Extreme Jealousy I personally believe that a little jealousy is good in every relationship. Because it shows how much you care about each other. Of course, jealousy can become very dangerous if it starts to develop on an extreme level. Lets say that you and I are currently in the middle of a relationship. As our relationship wears on I begin to notice that you get jealous any time I mention another girl. No, you are the insecure controlling type not really hopefully. Instead of being excited about the party you get angry at me for texting another girl and accuse me of cheating. How did you meet her? When was the last time you saw her? Are you cheating on me? I met her through work. You become so threatened by Tina that you forbid me to ever text another girl for the rest of my life. In fact, if you ever catch me texting another girl throughout our relationship you threaten to break up with me. Wow… You are psycho. Why Extreme Jealousy Annoys Men In my opinion, extreme jealousy has a direct correlation to a woman trying to control a man and nothing annoys a man more than a woman who tries to control him. Look, we chose to be in a relationship with you. We chose to become exclusive with you. If you show us a little trust it can go a long way. Clingy Behavior 3- Shadowing I have only heard of one example of shadowing in my personal life but I have heard of multiple examples through this site which is why I know it exists. So, what is shadowing? Shadowing- Becoming so dependent on another human being that you have to be around them all the time. It is an extreme form of being controlling. Perhaps it would be best if I used the example from my personal life to illustrate. When I was in high school a very long time ago I knew a guy that would get angry at his girlfriend for the dumbest things. I remember he once told me that when he was over at her house she left the room without him. When I heard this I was baffled at why he would have to accompany her if she simply wanted to leave the room. Look, I get being so in love with someone that you hate it when you are apart. However, if you have become so clingy or controlling that you literally have to go with them from room to room then that is a big issue. Of course, that example was an extreme form of shadowing. Some of the more common forms of shadowing I have seen is the classic invasion of alone time. We need time to recharge sometimes before we can consume everything you want us to consume. Why Shadowing Annoys Men Do you know what the definition of a stalker is? Think about it, if your ex wanted to have a guys night out with his friends but you insisted on tagging along you were harassing him with unwanted attention which is technically the same behavior a stalker engages in. Clingy Behavior 4- Controlling I deal with a lot of failed relationships every day. That means that every day whenever I read your comments on this site I can kind of get bummed out because, to me, it sometimes feels as if all I see are failed relationships. Lately, in an effort to change this I have been reading up a lot about the most successful relationships so I can get some positivity back in my life which in turn will help me give out better advice. You want to know what I am learning about successful relationships? Neither person involved in the relationship tries to control the other person. Rather they work together as a team to discuss their issues. It baffles me to this day why some women feel the need to control their boyfriends. Look, I want you to get something through your head. You cannot control another human being. The thing about me is that I am the most loyal man you will ever meet. I feel this is an extremely rare quality in men now-a-days and it also says a lot about my character. So, lets pretend that you are really insecure about other girls around me, even though I have proven to you multiple times that I am the most trustworthy man on the planet. In fact, you have become so insecure about other women that you constantly try to control me and basically order me to never talk to any of them ever again. Not to mention you are trying to control me and no man likes being controlled. How Do You Save Face With Your Ex If You Were Clingy? Now that you have a pretty good idea of what clingy behavior is and why it annoys men lets take a look at what you are going to have to do in order to overcome that clingy behavior to have a chance at getting your ex boyfriend back. Many of you are aware that I am a fan of putting graphics together for this site. Well, below you will find a graphic that i put together that will teach you how to overcome his reservations about taking you back because of your clingy nature. Now, before I get started on explaining what I mean by these four pillars I feel it is very important to discuss the point of what we are trying to accomplish here. One thing we already know is that you want your ex boyfriend back. Well, in order to have a chance at winning him back you are first going to have to overcome his impression of you he thinks you are clingy. The point of this section is to show you what you have to do in order to achieve that goal. For now, lets get cracking on these four pillars. Free On Demand Coaching Pillar 1- Understanding How You Are Perceived If the main goal that we are trying to accomplish here is overcoming your exes impression of you then it is probably a really good idea to figure out what that impression is. For example, if you and I dated each other and I was constantly telling you how I hated the fact that you were always trying to control me then you would know that the clingy behavior that you would really have to work on is to NOT be controlling. In other words, what we are trying to do here is to figure out what behaviors you exhibited that needs to change for you to even have a shot of getting him back. How are you supposed to figure this out? Well, a little empathy can certainly help but there is actually a better way. I want you to think back to your fights and arguments with your ex. So, when you think back to you and your exes fights what was it about you that he was complaining about that could be classified as clingy. Disclaimer- We are only looking for clingy behavior here. Using a personal example from my own life I can think of one off the top of my head. While I never actually was in a relationship with this person I never even went a date with her actually she exhibited some super clingy behavior from the get go that made me immediately want to not talk to her. What was her clingy behavior? However, usually I always get around to it. Do you have an idea of what clingy behaviors you have exhibited in the past with your ex? Pillar 2- Giving Him Time Most women fall into the clingy trap after a breakup occurs with their boyfriend. What is this trap? They call, text or skype their ex so much that it can sometimes go beyond regular clingyness. If you need a refresher on how creepy this can be take a look at the very first picture I posted on this page of the woman who called her ex 77,000 times after her breakup with him. A year or two ago one of my friends told me something really interesting about relationships. In most relationships men put the most effort into making the relationship happen. However, once the relationship has already commenced then the women take over from there and do everything in their power to keep the relationship going. While I am sure there are exceptions to this rule I have found it oddly accurate. You see, men can sometimes have this nasty habit of getting comfortable in a relationship. In other words, they grow lazy and spoiled and get used to women doing everything for them. As a result, when a breakup occurs they almost expect that YOU are going to be the one that contacts them first begging for a second chance. By being clingy and needy with phone calls or texts you are playing right into what they already believe is going to happen. So, rather than playing right into what he already believes is going to happen after a breakup you getting all clingy with phone calls I would recommend that you do the exact opposite of that. You should do what a strong woman would do, not contact him at all. Many of you are aware of my thoughts on the. Well, I am of the mind that giving your ex space after you have been clingy is the smartest thing you can do. Men have this constant need to feel admired by women. Of course, when you shower a man with constant attention that attention is going to lose some of its value over time because he is going to get used to it. By doing a no contact rule for either 21 or 30 days depending on the situation you are going to accomplish two things. Who do you think has a better chance at getting her ex back, A girl who tries to get her ex boyfriend back when he is extremely upset with her? If you guessed the girl who tries to get her boyfriend back when he is not that angry then you guessed right. The no contact rule is perfect for giving your ex boyfriend time to cool down which in turn is going to increase your chances to seem less clingy and also get him back. Thing 2- Gives YOU Time To Reshape Your Image I am going to be talking about this a lot more in-depth in the next section but for now I can give you a little teaser of whats to come. While you are using the no contact rule to give your ex time to cool down you can also be using it as a way to get rid of your clingy habits and reshape your image so that your ex no longer views you as clingy. In other words, you can use it for self improvement. However, when you sit down and really peel back the layers you will find that, that quote has a flaw. Well, I take offense to that because I personally believe that self improvement should be something every human being should strive for. I mean, what is wrong with wanting to become a better version of yourself? Now, I am not saying you should compromise your morals or do something your not comfortable with but I think it is completely ok to want to be a better version of yourself. Since this is a page dedicated to eliminating neediness lets focus on how you can improve yourself if your neediness is tied directly to your own insecurities. Dealing With Your Insecurities A lot of clingy behaviors can be traced directly back to our own insecurities. For example, we often get overly jealous because we are afraid our significant other might cheat on us. Getting rid of these types of insecurities can be quite tricky. I mean, you can try to turn your feelings off as much as possible but in the end we are all human beings and not robots. So, what I would like to teach you is the method I try to employ when dealing with my own personal insecurities. Yes, you will get to hear my own insecurities about relationships right here, right now. I would have to say that without a doubt the biggest insecurity I have when it comes to relationships would be the fear of being cheated on. How did this insecurity develop? When I was in High School I remember the first girl I asked out very clearly. You see, I liked her and she liked me, or so I thought. Turns out she liked someone else and was just using me for fun. The very next day I found out that she started dating another guy, someone who she had been pursuing since I started pursuing her. As I gained more experience in dealing with the opposite sex I learned more and more about how women could sometimes use deception to get away with things. In fact, I became so frightened of being deceived that I started plotting out worse case scenarios in my head and trying to figure out if I would be able to survive if it ever occurred to me. By far the worst deception I could think of was infidelity and it scared me. You see, it has the ability to make you a little paranoid and that can be extremely unhealthy. You see, the fear of infidelity can sometimes cause you to get jealous over unnecessary things. This means that for me I can sometimes get touchy when other men are introduced into the equation around my relationship. So, rather than getting overly jealous I am always telling myself that I am setting such a high standard that no other man can compare. Whats even better is that I am using my insecurity to force me to set that type of high standard. You see, as long as I keep that standard so far out of reach for other men I have nothing to worry about because my significant other would literally have to be an idiot to stray. In other words, I find a way to use my insecurities as a strength. Pillar 4- Reclaiming Your Identity I am about to make you aware of the ultimate form of neediness. Some women become so enthralled with their relationship that they lose themselves in it. Whats worse is you adopted all of your exes hobbies. Now, there are two trains of thoughts when it comes to stuff like this. Remember, your ex boyfriend fell in love with you, the girl with her own hobbies. I could really use your help. I met this guy at a restaurant we work at together. We hit it off immediately. We first just started hooking up and hanging out. He agreed and said that he really liked me and wanted to date me. He cut off every single girl the moment we started talking and he never left my side. He spent the night at my house or I would stay at his every single night until the day he left me. We kept doing this for about 3 weeks and then he decided he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He was drunk when he said this so I made sure to talk to him about it when he was sober. He said he meant it. Mostly this was influenced by the people we work with. He did this exact thing 3 more times until finally the third stuck and he went around saying I was officially his girlfriend. An incident then happened 2 days later. He was drunk at the restaurant we work at and called me telling me to come there and chill with him. While on my way there he called me and said he was leaving. I was super confused and told him to just wait. I got there and he was gone. The other workers started making up rumors saying I was crazy and following him. He eventually texted me asking to come over to talk. He came over and we talked and he dumped me. He said that I was too crazy for him. So I came up with the only thing I could in order to keep him. I told him I was cool with us breaking up but that we should still be friends with benefits. He agreed and slept with me that night. After that we still hung out every single day. At first I could tell it was just an agreement but then he started getting those feelings back. He started cuddling me, cooking with me, dancing with me, staying the night, going out to movies, etc. I thought I was finally winning him back. Then out of nowhere he texted me saying we were completely done hooking up. We got into a little argument and I just let it go. We worked together the next day and I just kept a smile on my face and ignored him. I tried to keep it brief but he kept trying to talk about the other night too. What do I do? I really like him. Some guys just kinda retreat when the start feeling an attachment and loss of some freedom. That have to figure out what is important even if its staring them in the face. I think you would benefit from having a sensible ex recovery plan. That is what my site is about. If you have not already, go to my home page and check out some of the books, tools, and resources I have there to help you improve your chances. In the last month or so I developed more feelings for him, so I texted more, and he seemed like he took a step back, and texting ratio is almost 1:3. The less he texted the more I got scared. So last month I went cray cray and bombarded him with messages, telling him how insecure I felt etc. Met this guy on a work trip in June for a while. I left the city and returned home. Fast forwarding everything, I met him again one month after our first meet-up. Spent 4 days together, he asked me to be his girlfriend on the first evening and I rejected, said I needed time. He made breakfast in bed the next two mornings, took great care of me and brought me out to meet all his friends. We had a great time together and he was always holding my hand wherever we go. I had to come home after the 4 days. I got insecure and started asking him questions about our distance and the relationship etc. Someone from the past came back and dropped me a text. He then asked me why I want the both of us to be in a relationship and I was dumbfounded cause he was the one who asked for it! Fast-forwarding a lot of texts text terrorist! So I did, left him alone for three days and texted him to apologise non-emotional at all about my bad behaviour. The day after next, I asked him if he wants to work things out. I said we both need time to figure out what we really wanted and he sounded a little upset. What are the chances of the both of us working it out eventually Chris? I like your phrase…. Its kind of wired into our psyche when we feel rejected. Clearly, NC is the right move and it will increase your chances. But also having a solid game plan, so go to my website home page and check out some of the resources and tools I offer ebooks, coaching services, Private Facebook Support Group! I think you have a good heart and you are going to land on your feet! I should practice out this 4 pillars. He has a new job and was taken away for work a lot. Then we broke up and my god did I text him a lot for a few days. Then I stopped but then he would do something that sent me back again so I called him a couple of times. I went into NC and lasted 3 weeks until he became friends with his girl colleagues sister on FB and 2 days ago I sent a long hurt message saying he lied basically when he broke up with me because he just wanted to be on his own. The whole time I had suspected something between him and his new colleague. They met only 4-6 weeks before our breakup started and she loves going out drinking with him and he told me that. I know going out drinking is important to him and he hated that we disagreed on it. What can I do? Can I fix it even though another girl is potentially on the scene they may not be anything but could be. Allow yourself time to heal and focus on those goals that are important to you. There ar many things you can do to help your through this recovery stage. Perhaps at the end of your No Contact period, you may have a different view about whether you want him back. Look, all of us make plenty of mistakes in relationships. The key is to learn from them and pass them forward in our lives. I just got him back on speeking terms and made him angry. And what did I? He even hurt me by telling me he cheated he once went to a dating portal and I found out and seems to laugh at me. I mean does he really want to get rid of me so badly? Were my mistakes so bad? Give yourself a break…. Start a clean slate and focus on the future. He said some cruel things, so that reveals a lot about him. Look, you should check out my Private Facebook Support Group. There are about 1400 women that are part of it and they have gone through all sorts of things involving breakups. We had met at church, and he always came and sat by me, and we would go out afterward. One night he came in and sat behind me. I was heartbroken and a bit angry that he would break up in such a rude manner, when he should have explained why and explained in PRIVATE, because I felt that the whole church noticed. And when someone breaks up, they should have the integrity to do it face to face and in private. Ultimately, I lost a LOT of respect for this man, who I viewed as a coward after I recovered. I had also been dumped by someone before him, so after this incident, I began to hate men in general. I was nice and sweet to men I knew, but VERY cautious. But I never totally trusted again, feeling that men just wanted to play games and were not trustworthy! I am implementing the no contact because I really want him back, but I feel like if he gets the apology note it will help during the no contact period. Please help me write an apology note for him! I want him back more than anything in the world he is the love of my life. We moved pretty fast sleepovers half of the week for the first month. And then he started asking me to move in around the 2-month mark. Finally, at about month 3 I agreed to move in. Things were going well, although I realize I may have been clingy. I also complained a lot that he hung out with his friends instead of me. One night, after drinking too much, I got sad and needy and yelled at him a lot. The day after he said we should to take a step back and I should move out. I moved out a few days later. And 2 days later last time we spoke , I asked him about our status and if we could see other people. He said yes and so I said we might as well break up. I was in a LDR with my ex for 10 months. We met in the same city, then due to job relocation we were LD for 5 months. We communicated everyday and not once had a serious argument. LD just came so naturally easy for us. I understood he had a busy life so I was very understanding about our time together. And he had told me stuff like that kills him. He actually apologized for the silent treatment he gave me and I apologized for the expectations I was throwing at him, but after that he started to become more distant, less affectionate, and started purposely ignoring me. Naturally, I started to press further which now I can see pushed him way. My last straw was when I heard a rumor that my ex was texting another girl he used to sleep with before we met. I called at least 20 times and kept messaging him. Obviously I am too embarrassed to even contact him. I did not beg him to take me back. Once the breakup was said I let him be. We loved each other and missed each other dearly before my insecurities hit me. I want to believe that by me doing NC I can still have a chance at getting him back. I tried so hard not to be the clingy girlfriend with insecurities, Little did I know I was slowly starting to become one. There was always his ex gf that would kind of pop back into his life and now that I look back on it he seemed to gravitate towards her when we would start arguing a lot. To make a long story short as of august he asked me to be his girl like officially. WEll he finally did and everything was great even though we had basically been together for a year. We were spending basically everyday together, practically living together. And then of course my anger issues started to become a problem again. I was mad at him for something, either when I woke up or went to bed. Never really got over our past and how he hurt me. He would sneak to talk to his ex and hide his phone from me in the past especially when we werent getting along that well. I never really gave myself that time to heal, we always just jumped right back in after a month or two of being away from eachother. This time though he grew much, mentally he was strong and I could tell he really wanted to be with me. He would always call me beautiful and check on me throughout the day and would d anything for me. I mean everything that I wanted out of a man for the most part. The first time was mid September and said my attitude was too much and I needed to stop being such a nag and just be more calm. And he just kept saying he needed space. He went from ignoring me and then would text me to stop calling him and take our pic down on fb. He blocked me on facebook but wont black my number on his phone. He wont pick up he wont text back. I really love this man. I know I need to give him space stop calling and texting. I really am trying trust me I am but this issue I have with being in control is what just makes all that go out the window. I mean ive even started counseling and everything and I feel a significant change. I honestly feel like that ive called him so much now that hes just done. Sometimes ill call three or 4 times in a row and other days I wont call at all. We have broken up before but because of him and him wanting to explore whatever with his ex. What am I supposed to do? I think that is why we hit it off so well. However I feel like my clinginess and neediness has pushed him away. I was never jealous as I trust him 100% and still do however I can be controlling in ways that things need to be done a certain way which I know now can be annoying esp when I stayed in HIS house. My mum recommends me to give him his space and be patient. She always thinks a lot of my ex and would like to see us both work it out. He is 30 and I am 28. He also said he wanted to be friends. I already agreed before finding this website. I did NC for around 1. But he contacted me regarding shared bills we have. Before our breakup we had been spending a lot of time together and I was staying at his place the majority of the week. We never did date night or even spent time with our own friends. He has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship which was not good one! They were always fighting and were on and off over a 10 year period. He was single for a little over a year before meeting me. We attended a concert last week that we both still wanted to go on and he has asked me to stay and go to work from his house the next day usual routine when I stayed. I was surprised he asked me this and it made sense trying to get home together after the concert would be easier. I thought everything was going great and we ended up sleeping together after the concert and the next day everything seemed fine after I returned to his from work. We had a takeaway, I showered and then I went home. I noticed he still has the photo of him and I as his lock screen on his iPhone and our holiday photos on his house keys and in around his house and also still has me as his gf on Facebook. I had moved everything out when we fell out a month ago. I did end up seeing him on a few nights ago and we had a takeaway and chilled out but he was on his phone a lot he never has it out of his hand each day anyway. I had told him I am going to my friends baby sons christening and was on looking for something new to wear to which he wanted to see my options. She is as confused as I am. Could you assist me in anyway with some advice? I know my post is EXTREMELY long but I wanted to give as much information as possible. Well, they only lasted a month before their relationship fell apart again. He then contacted me this past March and pursued me for about 2 months and I finally gave in to him. I even stopped dating another guy I was seeing at the time. Well, after about a month of dating again, we had sex for the first time and I came over every Friday and Saturday in the beginning. Then he wanted me to come over on Thursdays too, then spend the night on Sunday nights. This went on for about 6 more weeks 4 days a week at his house. So this past weekend starting on Friday, he acted different like not snuggling with me. Even acted that way Saturday. And then all of sudden he woke up this last Sunday morning and was in a bad mood. Treated me horrible all morning until around 1:30 pm. I kept asking him what was wrong. Anyway, I got mad and left suddenly because of his treatment of me. He is also impotent and I think he always felt pressure to perform. He did get erections with medicine, but they are very expensive. Anyway, after he told me he just wanted to be by himself for awhile, he then said he would bring my things to me as soon as he could, which he did the next day. Now this man even told me 3 weeks ago that he was falling in love with me more and more each day. Even told me so about 3 weeks ago. Why did he change overnight? I am begging for some good advice please. What is wrong with this guy or is it me. Did I miss something? So I thought I would ask you a question as well. I come from a broken family. I lost my mom at a very young age. Dad was very negligent. My older sister who brought me up was extremely controlling. So I have a dozen of insecurities and I am needy and clingy. Somehow my friends just put up with me and reassure me. And over a period of time I learn to trust them. I even go to a therapist for PTSD and depression. If this is not enough I had an extremely verbally and sexually abusive relationship in the past for two years which I eventually broke off. But scars remains pretty much the same. For several years my first break up I refused to meet any man. I was okay because I had thing against dating younger men. He said he wasnt ready for relationship either. Didnt really contact me after that. THen I felt so bad that I started texting. I also missed him. At first he reciprocated so well that I sort of completely fell for him. I sort of was obsessed about it. And he is kind of backing off now. I havent spoken to him much in couple of weeks. Twice I pushed him so much that he politely said he is busy with work. I am also guilty of stalking him on social media. I see him active there. Kind of makes me feel panic. He usually doesnt lie. So he could be really busy. But because I know I am needy and clingy I feel he wont get back EVER. I would like to change my needy behaviour for myself. And keep a no contact rule either to win him or move on. But I certainly like to keep him as a friend. He is just too good a friend to lose. But how do I wipe off my old image and come off clean and be a good friend and see where we go, it is so difficult the fact we are miles apart… How will let him know that I have changed after no contact period. It is important for me to gain him as friend first and then leave it up to him if I would be his girlfriend. I recently started seeing a guy for only about a month, we saw eachother a lot probably 8 dates in a month, and we ended up having sex. His effort went way down after sex. He tried to see me twice after that but both times very late night and I said no. I saw him hanging out with this other girl via Facebook while he ignored me for 2 days. I texted him a bunch telling him I was hurt and felt used and it was messed up of him to lie to me and he never responded. And now to the point… I am almost a successfully divorced 42 year old mom who dated my next door neighbor I know…I know who is 10 years younger doh! He was sweet, easy to get along with and it appeared he really liked me. About the second month into it we slept with each other and then shit hit the fan with the divorce as well as my job and I started to get a little insecure. He knew I was having problems and encouraged me to trust him which I did, eventually telling him everything. I also told him that I liked him and still want to see him and hang out. He still kept in contact with me, although just one liner text messages and only came over when I asked him to. He was there for me when my kids went with their dad for a month I was a basket case and even asked me to come over to hang out with him and his roommates and brother. Well, I was invited to go to Mexico for 5 days with my friend Julio who is like a brother to me. It was last minute but I felt I needed a vacation from the craziness of my life. Heck, I even lived with his brother and mom when I was in Costa Rica and I know his wife. Alex texted me once in Mexico then I texted him back and then…nothing. I texted him the day before I left Mexico but again…nothing. Plus my friend saw him and usually he says hi to her but he ignored her too. Any advice or any articles I can read would be awesome. Thank you for listening! Your first mistake is sleeping with him.. Start the no contact rule first for at least 30 days.. I am with this guy for 5 months now. I am normally very in control of myself and very self secured. Suddenly I became this jealous person and insecure person. The reason is my boyfriend is very famous among girls and where ever we go there will always be girls hanging on him and kissing him. I said things I did not mean like killing myself such stupid words. Then everything change in our relationship. He distracted himself emotionally but wee still together. I started feeling rejected and it make me worse. I love him so much. We fight a lot but he still comes to me almost every night. There is no intimate or cuddles between us. He will still hold me when we sleep. I am loosing myself. He told me that he feel like running because of my behavior. What must I do to wake him up and get control of myself again. We went of 4 dates and been talking on phone and texts everyday for about 2 months. He came off very strong and said he liked me and stuff but gonna wait before it was official because we never known each other before. The last couple of months was terrible. He started to cancel the dates, he kept being busy because of work and family stuff. He said so, he needed time to resolve things at work and home. I got it, actually. He said sorry and asked for time to fix this. Still, no change for him so I became clingy onto him and kept the conversation to be emotional and he kept avoiding it. I once become a text gnat all day until he replied to my texts and he was being angry of why I overreacted in such small matters. I was frustrated and he never wanted to talk about it. He asked me not to text him with those emotional messages anymore. He had enough and tired with that kinda conversation. I was very angry and told him I need to walk out of the relationship and need time for myself. Is the NC for 30 days? He never asked me to be his girlfriend, so I dont know if we were exes or not. The chemistry was still there, but he just seemed to keep losing interest. Looking forward for your advice.

And my hope is that every woman who was or still is called needy will do the same. In fact, you have become so insecure about other women that you constantly try to control me and anon order me to never talk to any of them ever again. Could you assist me in anyway with some advice. I kept asking him what was wrong. You do that by not chasing him and by letting him go. I even go to a u for PTSD and depression. Apologizing means setting aside your pride and admitting that you were wrong. I really like him. Bella11, sorry you are going through this, I am dealing with a similar situation… All going well and then boom, no contact. He has 2 kids from a prime relationship and they are with him for the week.